compassion presence openness

What role does a doula fulfill?

An end-of-life doula/death doula provides non-medical support for dying and grieving people. We labor to bring life into the world; we labor when we leave and grieve. It can be overwhelming and daunting to face your or a loved one’s last days. My role is to help align your wishes and hopes with actual experience as much as possible with the time left.

Most commonly you can find me:

  • providing opportunities to process very openly and speak freely about thoughts and feelings related to death, dying, grief, and loss

  • organizing and/or holding vigil during the active dying phase

  • facilitating processes to explore and document the meaning of and plans for life and death

  • preserving life stories and designing legacy projects

  • supporting end-of-life planning, continuity of care, funeral planning and preparations

  • facilitating family bereavement, grief rituals, and retreats

Doulas play a unique role in helping the dying person remain at the center of their experience. While doctors, nurses, hospice, and/or family have their own unique and important perspectives to bring to the experience, the doula is aligned with the person dying. My role is to help align needs and wants with actual experience. It is common to struggle with the question of what you want the end of your life to look or feel like. That question is often what starts our work together.

My job is often as your last caregiver. Occasionally that may mean supporting you to engage more deeply with a number of fields and people as only your wants and needs determine. Other times you are winding away from numerous supports as death nears. I am most often sitting beside you as a co-traveler, crossing thresholds with you. Our time often ranges from diving into deep emotional, and/or spiritual topics to checking in on simple administrative tasks to welcoming silence together. I have made favorite meals from childhood just as much as I have organized large family vigils. Doulas range in what they provide based on their own unique skills and gifts driven first by your needs.

While I provide holistic and personalized support, a death doula is NOT:

  • a licensed therapist providing clinical support. (Find one here. I can help you with the tech for virtual meetings or help you with scheduling.)

  • a medical provider or medical interventionist. (I can be a companion during appointments with medical providers to help you self-advocate or take notes. I can support with comfort measures.)

  • a lawyer providing legal advice. (I can support you to complete advance directive paperwork. I can provide a checklist of major administrative items common to preparing for death; I can support you and/or your team to complete those tasks.)

  • a body worker or massage therapist. (I can provide basic massage, light touch, or reiki on head, shoulders, hands, arms, and feet as requested on the Comfort Measures Form. I can cleanse, clothe, and/or shroud your body after death.)

  • a certified herbalist. (I can provide access to unique blends of tea and herbs for dying and grieving. Consult your medical team for any changes to your supplements, etc.)

  • clergy. (I can connect you with options for end-of-life support with any denomination or ceremonial practices you may be interested in. I am happy to design and facilitate non-denominational ceremonies and rituals in accordance with your wishes/as appropriate.)